Toddlers & Tiaras on TLC: Photo Highlights

Last night’s episode of Toddlers & Tiaras documented the competition at the Universal Royalty Nationals Pageant, whatever the hell that is. The creepiest person on the show was David Perez, father to 2-year old spoiled brat Ava. He sewed her pretty dresses and taught how to twirl in circles, all while his brainwashed wife cooked and cleaned for his fat lazy ass.
Just to show you the sort of whack job we’re dealing with here, let me enter into evidence exhibit H: a quote from David. He said, “as soon as we found out we were going to have a baby girl, the first thing I thought was, okay, we need to get this little girl involved in pageants. Her path was already paved for her before she entered this world.” I know, disgusting, right?
Dear old David is more effeminate than the girls on The Hills. His voice is higher pitched than Aaron Neville’s after simultaneously getting kicked in the balls and inhaling helium. I’m just going to throw this out there: THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH THIS MAN IS HETEROSEXUAL.